Dark Secret Read online

  No matter how I try to justify my actions and situation, my desire to kill is wrong. I should know better. It’s immoral. But can vampires have morals? Witches fight for morals, for life. Vampires fight for blood…for life. The sickening twist on words leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

  I pull away from the mirror and shake my head. I swallow hard and grab a tube of toothpaste.

  After brushing, I jump in the shower, letting the water rush down my body and swirl into the drain at my feet. I curl my toes and then shoot them forward, flinging water as they return to their natural position.

  When I’m done showering, I step out of the glass enclosure and wrap myself in a towel. I pad across the bathroom floor, leaving a trail of wet footprints in my wake, and quickly dress. My dirty clothes are in a pile on the bathroom floor, and I decide I’ll come back for them later.

  I twist my hair into a French braid that wraps around my shoulder and rests against my chest.

  I carry my duffel into the bedroom and drop it onto the bed. Carefully, I remove the small, thin black box, and I open it to reveal my stake. I’ve hunted countless vampires with this very weapon by my side. It has never disappointed me.

  I remove the weapon and let the weight sit in the palm of my hand. It’s heavier than I remember. The sleek matte gray silver is cool against my skin. Running my thumb over the engraved runes, bumpy under my touch, sends shock waves down my spine.

  This weapon was crafted to kill vampires, and I’ve just become one of them.

  It’s doused in witch magic, but that only aids the witch in defeating the vampire, a naturally stronger assailant. It’s not necessary to actually kill one, especially if the user has enhanced vampire skills. I may not be able to tap into the magic encased within the stake, but I can certainly use it to pierce a heart, which is one of the few ways to kill a vampire.

  I place the weapon back into its box and set it in my bag. Leaving it behind, I make my way toward the door, hesitating just before grabbing the knob. What if there are vampires in the hallway? Did Amicia make some kind of announcement, or will I surprise them? I press my ear to the door and listen for evidence that I’m not alone, but all I hear is silence. Maybe I’m the only one awake. After all, I’m not used to sleeping during the day and staying awake at night. It could still be early for vampires.

  I turn the knob, poke my head into the hallway, and look around. Satisfied I won’t run into anyone, I slip out of my bedroom and close the door behind me.

  I tiptoe down the hallway in search of Jasik’s room. Last night, before he left, he mentioned he was across the hall. But which room is his?

  I reach a door, and just when I build up the courage to knock, someone interrupts me.

  “Come in,” someone says. I recognize it to be Jasik’s voice. I’m instantly soothed by him. With my nerves at ease, I confidently enter.

  Quickly, I turn the handle and step inside, closing the door behind me. I’m so pleased with myself, I don’t consider the fact that I’ve just rushed into a vampire’s room in the middle of the night.

  I glance around. Jasik’s bedroom is almost identical to my own. However, a few things stick out as being solely his. The walls are painted a deep maroon; it’s just a couple shades darker than blood. Stacks of books are piled on the floor next to an overflowing bookshelf. Their musty smell fills the room with a familiar, homey aroma. The walls are decorated with pictures of cities and landscapes—each beautiful in its own way. A city skyline, a country cabin, mountains, and oceans, their diverse images have one common theme: a sunrise.

  An easel with a half-finished painting is nestled in the corner. A color palette with splashes of paint sits on a table beside it. An overhead light illuminates the art. This piece doesn’t look anything like the scenic paintings hanging on the walls. Instead, it features splashes of black and gray with two crimson circles. It’s a close-up portrait of someone—clearly a vampire—but who? The curves of her face are soft, and the angle of her jaw is made of sharp, edgy lines. Her lips are ruby red, and she’s smiling. Something about her feels too familiar. I stare at the painting until I can’t bear to any longer.

  I search the room for Jasik. Shirtless, he stands next to his bed. His hair is damp, and water droplets trickle down his forehead. Thick layers of muscle cover his torso. Evidence of his earlier assault from Amicia is gone. His skin healed over, not even leaving a scar as proof of her anger.

  My heart thumps faster as I admire his body.

  His chest rises and falls quickly, matching my own breath. His arms dangle at his sides, his hands clenched with white knuckles. My vision blurs; the space between us, though distant, feels somehow intimate.

  “I’ll just—I’ll wait outside,” I say, quickly turning away and grabbing on to the door handle.

  He says nothing as I slip out the door and slam it behind me. Leaning against the wall, I tip my head back and close my eyes, waiting for my sputtering heart to slow.

  What is wrong with me? I hate what I’ve become. I hate that a vampire has some warped control over me. But I can’t deny the attraction.

  After several deep breaths, I open my eyes to find Jasik beside me, his eyes hard, concerned.

  “Time for a tour? A meet ‘n’ greet? Breakfast?” I say, spitting out whatever words form. I’m silently praying he won’t mention that I saw him nearly naked or that it took far too many passing seconds for me to gather my thoughts and walk away.

  My arm brushes against his as I walk around him. The tiny hairs rise, and a tingle shoots through my body. I gnaw on my lower lip to ignore the sensations.

  I glance back and notice his gaze trailing my body. As his gaze lingers, I feel oddly vulnerable. Purely instinctual, I stand straighter, noticing how my leggings are a little too tight—and so is my top.

  Our gazes meet, and he smiles, offering a grin that makes my heart stop. I focus on the two subtle dimples on either cheek, the strong line of his jaw, and the five o’clock shadow that ages him perfectly.

  My breath catches as his eyes burn into mine, their crimson glow growing brighter with each second that passes. He wets his lips. Time drags on forever before he finally takes the few steps toward me.

  I back away until I’m against the wall, not sure I am ready for him, for this. He stops when he reaches me, leaving only one step between us. His breathing is slow, heavy, matching my own. His eyes invite me to him, and as much as they beg me to accept his invitation, I don’t know if I can.

  I could lose myself in him; I know this. The twisted bond that unites us isn’t the only thing working against me. I’m starting to respect Jasik. He’s only tried to help me, and the few times my hunger took over, he stopped me from making mistakes I’d regret the rest of my life. And eternity is a long time to hate myself.

  I’m realizing what I fear more than vampires—more than my coven finding out about this forbidden attraction, more than fighting a thousand rogue vampires at once—is that my once-insatiable appetite for hunting vampires is so easily subdued by my growing attraction for the man standing before me.

  My body feels ready. My heart feels ready. But my mind tells me this is wrong. I was raised to shun vampires. I was forced to hate them. I need to remember that vampires are the reason I’m miles away from my home. Vampires did this to me, to my coven. I need to remember who I am.

  Jasik reaches for me, his thumb rubbing against the angle of my jawline, sending shivers through my body.

  “Ava,” he whispers. In that one word, he says so many things. His voice, his plea, betrays his longing for me. Clearly I’m not the only one affected by our situation. Since there aren’t hordes of women following him around, I have to assume I’m the first human he’s turned.

  I can feel Jasik’s eyes on me, but I can’t look at him. I walk away, leaving him behind. I don’t know what to say or what to do. In my heart, Jasik feels good, real. In a world where I question everything I am, everything I know to be true, I don’t question him. The way he looks at me, the
way he says my name, the way he protected me in front of his own sire… I know there is something there. A simple attraction that could grow into an epic love that lasts until the end of time. Am I foolish to believe in such fairy tales?

  I shake my head. I have to keep my mission in mind. I’m only here to learn control so I can return home. And that’s what I want, right? I want to be reunited with my coven. I need to remind myself that my emotions are heightened because I’m a vampire. And I only feel this instant attraction for Jasik because he sired me. When I break down everything that’s happened to the bare bones of it, that makes sense. But when we’re alone, I want to say screw the witches and let’s run off into the sunset together.

  Oh, that’s right. We can’t. We’re vampires.

  I guess I really was played by the idea of a fairy-tale ending.

  I really suck at being a vampire.

  “You should feed,” Jasik says when he reaches my side.

  I nod and follow him down the hallway, eternally thankful he’s not mentioning our almost indiscretion. We reach the stairs and take them down to the first-floor landing, which leads to a sitting room. Bookshelves line the walls, and an overstuffed couch and two matching chairs complete the room. The room is lit by a couple of lamps on side tables. The dim lighting is just enough for me to see everything clearly.

  “This way,” Jasik says, ushering me through the manor.

  We turn left and walk through a large dining room with an attached wood-burning fireplace. It’s not lit, and I wonder if they ever actually use it. Vampires don’t get cold, and fire isn’t really a friend. Even so, the stonework around the fireplace is beautiful.

  A large stained-glass window overlooks an overgrown garden. The night sky is dark, and the moon is waning above the world.

  The long farmhouse-style table could easily sit the dozen or so vampires who call the manor home. It’s breakfast time, so I’m sure I’ll have to meet a few more at some point today. I’m dreading that encounter more than I’m dreading feeding time.

  In the back left corner of the dining room, a small butler’s pantry leads to the kitchen. A massive refrigeration unit takes up most of the room. But my eyes are drawn elsewhere. To my right is a small sitting nook, where Jeremiah and Hikari are loudly slurping their morning snack.

  Jasik nods at the two, who smile back at him. Jeremiah eyes me curiously, and I offer a pathetic half wave. I nearly die inside at our awkward interaction. I bet they’re not sure where we stand or what my place within their nest will be. Amicia wasn’t happy with Jasik, and I’m sure her mood swings affect her sires. I don’t miss the fact that Hikari doesn’t even look my way.

  Jasik leads me to the refrigerator and opens the door. I take a peek at the seemingly endless rows of neatly stacked cases containing blood bags. Each bag is labeled with dates and blood type. Jasik grabs four bags before closing the door. He walks over to the counter, grabs two coffee mugs from the cabinet, and pours the contents into each mug. He pops those into the microwave to nuke at the same time my stomach begins turning to mush. His confident, easy strides at making a bloody breakfast are making me queasy.

  When the timer dings, he grabs the mugs and offers one to me.

  “Let’s eat in the solarium,” he suggests as he grabs the blood bags and tosses them into the trash.

  I nod, thankful to get some space from the other vampires.

  We exit the kitchen and enter the dining room. A few vampires have made their way downstairs, and I keep my gaze on the steaming cup of breakfast in my hands. They whisper to each other when they see me and then say hello to Jasik.

  “The solarium wraps around the side of the house. You can enter it through the dining room, sitting room, and parlor,” Jasik says.

  “Isn’t a solarium a little dangerous in a house full of vampires?” I ask. “I mean, a solarium is basically a huge sun-room. Whose idea was it to build a sun-room in a house made for vampires?”

  “During the day, it can be deadly.” Jasik chuckles. “But we tend to sleep all day and take advantage of the room at night. Here. Hold this.”

  He hands me his mug o’ blood and opens the sliding glass doors that connect the dining room to the solarium. He pushes the doors open until they’re neatly tucked within the wall. He turns back to me, takes his mug, and waits for me to enter the room.

  The solarium is wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling windows—most of which are the beautiful stained glass that the builder of this house clearly favored. The room is massive and wraps around the entire length of the manor. Several different seating areas are positioned throughout the room, and thankfully, only one vampire is currently occupying the space.

  “Malik,” Jasik says in greeting as we approach his brother.

  Malik looks up, his face noticeably changing when his gaze lands on me. Like all the rest, he wears the what-is-she-really-doing-here face, and he wears it well. I wonder if I have that same look on my face when I see them. After all, it’s a great question, because…what am I actually doing here? I’m a witch…in a vampire nest. I keep telling myself I’m here to learn control, but given the chance to leave, could I actually go?

  “I see you made it through the night,” Malik says. He takes a large gulp from his mug and waits for me to respond.

  “Was not surviving really an option?” I say, concerned.

  “He means to say he’s happy you’re still here,” Jasik clarifies.

  “I mean I’m surprised you didn’t run away in the middle of the night,” Malik counters. I don’t miss the fact that he dropped the word “happy.”

  “Why would I run away? I chose to come with you,” I say. I still haven’t taken a sip of my breakfast, and I’m beginning to wonder if the other vampires have noticed yet.

  “Be honest with yourself, Ava. You didn’t choose anything. Your family forced you out,” Malik argues.

  I bite my tongue. His accusation upsets me, but that doesn’t make it any less true. My coven did what they’ve always done: run in the face of something they don’t understand. Instead of trying to learn from it, they assume it’s bad. One day, they’ll realize that even though I’m a vampire, I’m still me. Aside from the raging hormones and enhanced senses, I don’t feel any different. I’m still the girl who would die to protect them.

  “Malik,” Jasik warns. His voice is sharp, his speech to the point.

  I offer him a thankful glance.

  “Have a seat,” he says.

  I pull out the metal chair, which scrapes against the tile floor, and set down my mug on the table. I still haven’t taken a sip. Jasik eyes it curiously before downing the rest of his breakfast. Malik follows suit.

  “You need to feed,” Jasik says. His voice is soft, concerned.

  “I know.”

  “It won’t be like last time,” he says.

  “The more you feed, the easier it becomes. And you need to learn control,” Malik adds.

  I eye the cup. The liquid content is deep red in color and still warm to my touch. A perfect ninety-eight degrees? I cringe at the thought. I can’t think about where it came from. I just need to gulp it down and call it a day. As much as I don’t like the idea, I believe them when they tell me it’ll get easier.

  With a dramatic sigh, I lift the mug to my lips and drink deep. Like with the wolf, the taste isn’t what I was expecting. It’s thick and creamy and goes down smooth. The blood tastes sweet with just a hint of spice. It doesn’t quite taste as raw and real as the wolf’s blood, but it’s delicious nonetheless.

  When I finish, I set the mug on the counter and lick my blood mustache from my upper lip.

  “You’ll start to feel better,” Jasik says. “Your mind is clearer when you’re not hungry.”

  I suppose that’s a plus. The last thing I need is for my hunger to take control. I may be a vampire, but I don’t want to hurt anyone.

  “So what happens now?” I ask. I slide my empty mug away from me and lean back in my chair.

  “We shoul
d begin training,” Malik says.

  I arch a brow. “Training? For what?”

  “You must train physically to learn what it means to be a vampire. This was my promise to Amicia,” he clarifies.

  I shake my head. “I don’t need to learn how to fight. I know how to fight. I went on nightly patrols and hunted…” I clear my throat. “I know how to fight, Malik.”

  “You don’t know how to fight like a vampire. You’re stronger than before, and your senses are heightened. This will be a challenge for you in battle.”

  “Look, I can take care of myself. I just need you to help me control my blood lust. That’s it.”

  Malik leans close, folding his arms over the tabletop, and says, “Unfortunately, little one, you’ll only learn that with time.”

  Chapter Ten

  At some point, I’ll have to agree to train with Malik, but something inside me is finding joy in avoiding him. It’s like some sick, twisted game, and the prize is a frustrated vampire.

  I suppress a chuckle as Malik leaves the room, annoyed that I’m still refusing to train with him. Eventually he’ll realize that I don’t need him to teach me self-defense. That ship sailed long ago.

  I believed him when he told me I’d only learn to control my blood lust with time, but hearing it aloud still sucks. I don’t want to spend years perfecting my ability not to kill someone. My coven doesn’t have years to wait for me. They’re mortal. With each passing day, they’re closer to an inevitable demise. And being witches, the mortal enemies of vampires, doesn’t help their cause. They’re targets, making them all the more likely to die young.

  Briefly, I allow myself to believe there can be peace among the Darkhaven supernaturals. As much as I’d love to formally introduce my former coven and my new nest-mates, I’m thinking getting everyone to agree to a sit-down meeting will also take time. It seems everything I want to do has a long shelf life.